


Three months in

by Ohmypeggy



Category: Agent Carter (TV), Captain America (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Peggy/Howard as in friendship, maybe I'll write a fic in which Steve is alive and has lines, same as Howard/Steve, so much friendship with these 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-06 13:18:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4223178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohmypeggy/pseuds/Ohmypeggy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They gave up searching for him after three months and two weeks. "H-Howard we had a date." "Peggy I know." "He didn't show." / A oneshot of the aftermath of realizing Steve Rogers isn't going to be found.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three months in

It had been three months since Captain Rogers had disappeared with the ship. Three long months of searching that had gotten them no closer to finding the body. Maybe because it was not there.

  _You know for the longest time I dreamed about coming overseas and be on the front lines. Serving my country. I finally get everything I wanted, and I'm wearing tights._

 Maybe Steve somehow escaped the plane before it hit the water and swam to safety. Maybe Steve had to be a hero one more time making Peggy fall in love with him even more. They gave up searching for him after three months and two weeks.

 Howard Stark called Peggy to tell her yet she claimed “the phone is cutting out and I cannot hear what in the world you are talking about just tell me next time we have dinner Howard.” She placed the phone back down on the end table, sunk into the chair beside it, and stared at the little phone.

  _You're late._

  _I couldn't call my ride._

She found that if she moved her vision elsewhere or blinked too slow her eyesight got blurry. She could stare at the phone all day if she needed too. Maybe Howard was lying to her. Maybe he and the boys had found Steve and they were sneaking him over to surprise her.

 Peggy had been strong for three months and two weeks. She had held onto the hope that Steve was alive and he would come back. She had cried every night when she watched the news and an update about the war was given. She cried walking down the street the other day when she saw a soldier and his girl holding hands. She wondered why she was mixed up in all this. Why she fell in love with the only man she could not have. She had been on her own for so long and was okay with that. More than okay with it. Until she met little Steve Rogers and he was nothing like any man she had met before. He had a heart bigger than himself and saw nothing but the best in those around him. Then suddenly, Peggy was not okay with being on her own. She wondered what it would be like to have someone who cared about her as much as she did them, who welcomed her home at night and was impossible to leave in the mornings. She wondered what a future with Steve would have been like. Peggy did not realize she was crying until she felt a drop on her leg. She wiped her face only for it to become covered in tears and the little makeup Peggy had put on that day. Her hair had come out of the clip and was falling in her face, she ran her hand through it.

  _Women aren't exactly lining up to dance with a guy they might step on._

The doorbell rang some time later. When she did not answer a voice spoke from the other side.

 “Peggy I know you’re in there.”

“Peggy open the door.”

 “Don’t make me use force to knock down this cheap wood.”  Howard Stark was a very persistent man. He knocked, or rather banged, on the door once more before Peggy sighed and rose out of her position. She stretched and heard something pop as she walked across the living room to the door.

 “Howard I’m not really in the mood.” She told him as she opened the door.

  _Fondue is just cheese and bread, my friend._

 A different man stood in front of her now. Gone was the jokes, sly smile, and madness she had grown to tolerate. Peggy wondered if she looked as bad as he did. His eyes looked even crazier than normal and Peggy wonder how long it had been since he slept. How long had it been since she slept? His hair was every which way, his shirt wrinkled and the tie completely missing. Peggy wanted to hug him but refrained herself and went back to the armchair instead. Howard followed and sat adjacent to her on the matching love seat. He traced the floral pattern before speaking. He tried to make eye contact but when she wouldn't meet him, he glanced back at the couch.

 “Peg, I know Steve was superhuman but even if he survived the crash the odds of him surviving that icy water for a long period of time is next to none.” He looked up to see her staring at him, her eyes full and mouth slightly open as if she was hearing this news for the first time. They made eye contact for the first time. “I am so sorry Peggy.” 

 Peggy nodded. “As am I.” She was sorry she did not get his coordinates, sorry she let him get on the plane in the first place, sorry she had only made her feelings public at the last second. But more importantly she was mad. Mad at Howard. Mad at Steve. Mad at the world.

_I'll-I'll get Howard on the line. He'll know what to do._

_There's not enough time. This thing's moving too fast and it's heading for New York. I gotta put her in the water._

 Howard cleared his throat bringing Peggy back to her living room. The tan walls were turning darker as the sun set in London. The city buzzed outside and went about its normal business, something Peggy considered rude considering the circumstance.

 “I failed him.”

 “Howard no.”

 “All my accomplishments don’t mean a darn thing if I can’t bring back the one man who means the most to me.” He clenched his hands into fist as if to prove a point.

 “Steve would want you to-“ 

Howard stood, his hands still balled up. “To what Peg?” He was practically yelling now. “To give up hope? To leave him when he needs us most? That is not what a real team would do. And we’re a team.” After this outburst, Howard sat back down. His hands relaxed and he just rubbed them together.

 There was a longer silence this time. _How are you? Do you need anything?_ Had always been the first words Howard asked Peggy when they spoke. If he did not think Peggy was eating enough he would have a car pick her up and meet him for dinner or go to the store and buy whatever he could get his hands on. Sometimes he would call, ask the time, wait for her response, then hang up. His voice cracked time to time when he called. Sometimes there was static. When he told Peggy he was going back to America soon he begged her to come. Saying he needed her close. She needed him close too. He was the only one who could possibly feel what she was going through and she was not ready to lose that tie yet. She talked to someone at about transferring to New York’s headquarters and was waiting on her papers. Howard jumped a foot in the air when she had told him.

 “H-Howard we had a date.”

 “Peggy I know.”

 “He didn’t show.”

 Howard rubbed his eyes making him look even more tired. He got out off the seat much more gracefully than Peggy had and had she been in a better mood she would have teased him about it. Yet she did not say anything. Even as Howard came over to her chair and kissed the top of her head.

 “He would have been there if he could. I saw the way he looked at you Peg. Heck, he carried your picture in his compass. There’s no doubt about it.” 

When Peggy did not speak Howard patted the arm of the chair and left the room. The door clicked softly behind him. I'm here.

 Peggy remembers coming home that first night and being afraid of her own bathtub.

  _I'm gonna need a rain check on that dance._

 She sat on the edge, fully dressed, and sobbed. The water was her enemy now.

  _All right. A week next Saturday at The Stork Club._

 How could something so calm be so strong?

  _You've got it._

 How could Steve leave her? Why Steve?

  _Eight o'clock on the dot. Don't you dare be late. Understood?_

 Peggy wiped tears once again. The war was almost over. Peggy and Howard would leave for America soon. People were going to go back to their normal lives. And yet the one who deserved it would not get the chance. She moved into the bedroom, yawing and shutting the blinds as she went.

  _You know, I still don't know how to dance._

 She peeled off her clothes and climbed into bed. Peggy wondered what New York was like. This was a new beginning for her. She was going to make the most of it.

  _I'll show you how. Just be there._

 She was going to make Steve proud.

  _We'll have the band play something slow_.

 So that when they met again she would have some positive news for him. She could see his smile now as she faded off to sleep.

  _I'd hate to step on your..._

**Author's Note:**

> lines straight out of the saddest scene in movie history make everything worse (((:


End file.
